What's happened to me? I'm certain that I'm not dead inside. I know I can feel too. I know I'm just not allowing my heart to feel because I don't think I can afford going through another heartbreak again even though people tell me that it was just a phase that most of us have to go through. Knowing that nothing will ever last, I always remind myself not to get into something that is eventually going to end and hurt you. Really bad.
I've chosen not to fall in love again and to not get hurt. But how long can this go on? I'm only human... It's slowly breaking my heart to try to stay and act strong. I want to be happy too. Being a girl, you know what I'm afraid of if I refuse to let my heart feel again? I'm afraid of growing old alone (a little bit early to worry about this but you know what I mean). I'm afraid that I'll never ever find someone who I can trust/love and someone who is worth my time and effort. I miss having someone to share everything with. I miss being in love. You know the chills that hit every part of your spine when you think of someone? I miss that.
What do I really want? My weakness is that I can never express my feelings. Never. When will I ever learn? :(
Feeling really *emo* at the moment after listening to Fireworks by You Me At Six. (Heard it on Adrian's iPod). It's crazy how songs can put you into different types of mood. I was just fine in the afternoon today but now I'm like having a million things running in my head about the future and all that.
I guess I just need to sleep this off. Goooodnight!
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